The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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