she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
