im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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