Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
