We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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