just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
