I faked an abortion last night.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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