shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
