I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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