just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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