I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
