this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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