At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
