i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
