her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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