went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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