So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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