I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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