Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
