Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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