just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
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All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
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I'm like, not good at living.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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