I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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