We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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