wakey wakey hands off snakey
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He passed out mid-signature
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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