I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
