i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
