So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
