My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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