Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
