Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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