There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
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I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
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having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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