are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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