she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
