the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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