Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
