I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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