i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
