please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
