if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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