It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
