Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
