i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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