Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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