Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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