Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
