So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
