I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wanna passion pit in your ass
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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