I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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