i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
