Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
