6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
