I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
