just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
