I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize