I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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