I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
