I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
