it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
