Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We don't watch enough power rangers
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
