There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
