i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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