Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize